found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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