I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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