wrigley field is MILF paradise
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
