I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
