Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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