i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
