some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
