i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
