your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
