Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
