You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
