The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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