i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
