he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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