One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
