I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
