Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That accounts for only three of the penises
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
