For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
