You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
