I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
