my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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