3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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