he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Don't make out with my wife yet
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
