OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
