I bet he comes in French.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
