STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My room smells like vodka and shame
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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