i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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