from now on my penis is your penis
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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