i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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