he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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