we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
