Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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