Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
