YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have aggressive nipples.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
