TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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