He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
