Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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