i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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