I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
where does the pee come out of this thing
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
