i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
