Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
