Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
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