i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
