I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we're making bets on your personal life
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
