He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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