He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
