And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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