Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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