yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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