dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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