Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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